Whiners Anonymous Help (WAH!)
++Do you constantly complain about EVERYTHING to EVERYONE?
++Do you dominate all conversations with your tales of woe?
++Do you find that friends and family aren’t calling you anymore?
++Are you ALWAYS the victim of EVERYTHING?
++Do you NEVER take anyone’s advice?
++Do you kind of get a high from whining?
++Do you post things on social media such as FML, I hate the world, People Suck, Meh and never explain why, because you like the attention when your friends ask whats wrong?
Well, you are the perfect candidate for the W.A.H. 12 step Program!
1. Admit you whine. Just say, “I am a whiner.”
2. Admit your whining is a problem. It’s not enough to know you whine–you have to realize it interferes with the life of OTHERS. Tell yourself, your spouse, and a friend that you have a problem with whining, that all you have ever done is whine. But don’t whine to God! He already knows, all too well. God just sat back while you whined away the years. It’s not His fault, after all, so don’t go whining to Him with your problem.
3.Watch a video of yourself whining. Yeah… this is what your friends and family have to see.
4. Put your whining in perspective. There’s a little kid in Africa living in a grass hut among a ton of flies and NO indoor plumbing. The family of 6 live off of $27 a year. They scrounge for food and may or may not be eaten by a lion or tiger while out foraging. Now, what were you whining about again?
5. Now do something you hate without whining about it. Seriously, it has to be the most dreaded thing you can think of, like going on a weekend excursion with a person you loath. Do it and don’t whine!
6. Get a part job in a complaint department and listen to other peoples’ whines 8 hours a day. You aren’t allowed to complain about your job! EVER! You will listen with concern and compassion and SWEAR you will NEVER be a whiner again. You don’t want to be like “those” people.
7. Call everyone that you have ever continuously whined to. Thank them for being a good friend to put up with your whining and swear to them you will NEVER whine to them again. EVER!
8. Take your parents to court. After all, they raised a whiner. Yes, you started early, but it is not your fault!
9. Beware of falling off the wagon. Resign yourself to the fact you are going to whine each time you try to stick to your guns when you know you are right. Once a whiner, always a whiner, they say.
10. Whine to your dog. They love you no matter how much you whine. It’s called unconditional love. Disguise your whine by mixing the words “good dog” in every sentence. They only know so many words–those two they know. Otherwise, your dog would hate you like all the people you know.
11. Carry duct tape. Every time you think you may want to whine, duct tape your mouth shut until the urge passes. Do NOT post anything on Facebook either. That would be cheating.
12. Get a Whiner sponsor. Maybe one of your friends is a recovering whiner. Call them when you feel the urge to whine. However, you aren’t allowed to whine to them. You are only allowed to talk about a show you both are watching or something frivolous. Remember, they are recovering too and you don’t want them to have a relapse.
If you want to learn how to STOP whining and DO something instead, click here.